Randy Hemingway's Blog

“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,” — Ephesians 5:25, 26

If you would like to see this passage in its context, visit dynamicbible.com and type Ephesians 5 in the search bar.

For the past couple of months, I’ve been hammered at church with one message on marriage after another, and I’ve come to the conclusion that all God wants us, as husbands, to do, is simply love our wives. Then, as we do that (choose to love our wives), our actions – and our motives for those actions – will be deeply affected.

As I’ve sat in church (and also in my car, listening to 91.9 and 91.5, here in St. Louis), listening to the many sermons, I’ve heard over and over, “Husbands, love your wives. Husbands, love your wives. Husbands, love your wives. HUSBANDS, LOVE YOUR WIVES.” Now, I know some men (me, included) will say, ”Oh, man, she’s always dropping these subtle hints and I never pick up on them until it’s too late.” Well, God knows we (husbands) are idiots (sometimes…ok, most of the time), so he made it real simple, plain as day, “HUSBAND! LOVE. YOUR. WIFE!”

At this point, you might be thinking, “Ok, I get it! But how? How do I love my wife?” Aha! That is the question! And, hopefully, you’ll read along as I try to use the Bible to answer that question. To be honest, this series of posts is simply the process I’ve gone through in my thinking to understand how I should love my wife. Fortunately, God has given you and me an awesome resource that explains it all very clearly — the Bible. I’m going to do my best to keep myself out of the way and let the Bible — let God — speak for It-/Himself. I hope what God has taught me from the reading and preaching of His Word will be a blessing to you, too.

Question #1: How do I love my wife?

In Ephesians 5:25 (seen above), the Bible says, “Husbands, love  your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.”  We love our wives by giving them the same type of love with which Christ loves the church. Therefore, we are to exemplify Christ’s love in our marriage. Now, we all know that, as Christians, we are to be growing to be more like Christ. So, we should already be trying to show Christ’s love to everyone around us, and showing love to our wives should be a natural outgrowth of our pursuit of Christ-likeness. Well, then, let’s take a little bit closer look at Christ’s love. To be honest, if this were some deep theological study that required Greek and Hebrew scholarships, I probably wouldn’t be writing about it. However, the Bible is filled with simple illustrations of Christ’s love that even I can understand. Hence, I’m able to write about it.  

<aside> The ability to truly show Christ’s love in your marriage is only possible if you have a personal relationship with Christ and, therefore, have the Holy Spirit within you, to “guide you into all truth.” (Jn. 16:13) This relationship with Christ is not the result of being the member of a church or teaching a Sunday School class or any “good” thing that we, as humans, can do.

The Bible says, “For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: not of works, lest any man should boast.” (Eph. 2:8,9) You see, God loves us (Jn. 3:16) and wants to have a relationship with us. That’s exactly why He created Adam and Eve and gave them the Garden of Eden: so He could spend time with them in the Garden.

However Adam and Eve sinned by disobeying God’s command. ”Wherefore, as by one man [Adam] sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men, for that all have sinned.” This sin is separating us from a personal relationship with God while we live here on the earth, but it has also doomed us to an eternity of death — separation from God — in the literal place of fire and damnation, called Hell. (Rom. 6:23) But God did not make Hell for us, He does not want us to go there.

He wants us to spend an eternity with Him, in Heaven. He wants this so much, that He made a way that you and I could have our punishment (of eternal judgment in Hell) taken for us. This is why Jesus, God the Son, came to Earth, lived a perfect, sinless life, was nailed to the cross, and willingly gave His Blood and His life for you. He took your punishment on the cross. (Rom. 5:8) You don’t have to pay your way into Heaven. The debt is already paid, if you will simply accept it by faith.

Will you accept this free gift of salvation? Will you confess that you are a sinner, worthy of judgment? Will you believe in your heart that Christ died on the cross for  your sin? If you will, then pray to Jesus and confess to him that you are a sinner, that you believe that Jesus died on the cross and gave His Blood for your sins, and that you will receive His gift of salvation.

 If you truly believe on Christ, you are given the power (right, authority) to be called a child of God (Jn. 1:12), and, as a child of God, you can show His love to others, especially your wife. If you reject Christ’s gift of salvation and try to obtain Heaven your own way, you will only be able to love others as much as is humanly possible. The task of loving your wife, as with all other endeavors, will be an empty, hopeless feat. You may attain some measure of success, but “what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?” (Mk. 8:36) I hope you will surrender to God in humility and reap the benefits of His Love.</aside>

See Part 2 of this series of posts to see the Question #2 that came to me as I was thinking about how to love my wife.